Ajani, Master of Patience

Vengeant, Steadfast,
Caller of Pride,
Mentor of heroes;
Casting cost too high.

Different formats
To enjoy Magic,
Sure to find ways
To fit one’s budget.

Oh Ajani,
Assured to prevail.
Til we leave Ravnica,
Tis Elspeth’s tale.

- Kyle Chandler

Author Notes

If I had control over the next Ajani he would look like this.

Ajani, Master of Patience
Planeswalker - loyalty 2

WW2 (4)

+3: each creature gains lifelink until the end of turn.
-2: destroy all creatures
-10: you gain emblem with, “each creature you control gains vigilance, indistructible, and lifelink.
© kyle chandler. All rights reserved, 7 hours ago

She Dances For Me

This subject, she stirs me at night.
So I give her a prep talk,
Apply a modest amount of make up -
Then push her out into the light!

Startled, but prepared,
She starts from the top.
Perfection! Yet, unjustifiably,
The audience no more than stared.

She gave her best performance,
Yet we merit no fame, nor fortune.
Still, we have already accepted that most people
Can’t tolerate more than a couple seconds.

I assure you, I have retained no spite.
My ailment, through words, was shared;
She was allowed to dance freely, therefore
With this (secret) I will sleep easier tonight.

Suleiman I, in My Opinion

Suleiman I, the Magnificent
Spread knowledge to the innocent.
Though all Turks deserve merit,
He was the most brilliant.
Most notably, He ruled with sufficience,
For forty-six years, from the age of twenty-six.

His achievements were numerous, nay vast,
Yet we only spent an hour on him in class.
This man carried every personification of the Renaissance.
For starters he was a poet; Muhibbi his mask.
And a renowned goldsmith, with more talents to last
As a leader, he conquered Belgrade, Rhodes, and Hungary
To name a few countries that helped doubled the mass
Of his Territory.
I assure you, this man was The Man of his past;
I feel it’s your turn to be liberated at last.

There came a time, during his aspire,
Before there was decay within his Empire,
He was checked at “The Siege of Vienna”.
This fight was indeed, his humble retire,
Although the Christians boast, the liars,
And my textbook only says, “repulsed by their fighters”,
His hidden messages are there, under my highlighter;
He took a break, and enjoyed the fruits of his labor.
Made a lot of children, including one very important daughter.
He would only fall at the sword of his opponents
The books say he died in battle in the “Siege of Szigetvar”
Although some say, in a tent and others,
That he died on the stage of war.
Now I feel his glory, and it burns like a fire.

In his time, education was of importancy,
Meaning, you learn a little bit from each of your enemies;
He adapted their institution, yet obtained supreme authority.
He also adopted their children into  the Janissaries
And surely, he’d heard about Europe’s Treasury.
Oh, Austria praised they avoided conquering,
But they, nay, we all may have flourished under Ottoman Reign,
Could’ve happened, if all but one son weren’t
Victim of his murdering.
No one lives forever, in the flesh, especially
The brave that spend most of their days fighting
For the cause that they believe in, literally.

Although The Lawgiver was firm with his fist,
He still found love with a woman; a gift,
Hurrem Sultan, his most favored wife, amidst.
Breaking Ottoman tradition was risky business.
Don’t you fancy women ruled?
Google “the Era of Woman’s Sultanate”
The Sultan definitely took orders from the warmth of her tit;
And it was here, I believe, that he chose to forfeit.
Even his own daughter, Mihrimah Sultan
convinced him to campaign against Malta.
Again, women having importance in politics.
There is an imaginary line on all of the land,
Which can still be determined by the leading man.
That line, not in history, has anyone
Pushed his Country’s further than Suleiman.

So when you read about him in your novel;
When your teacher debates, “he finally found trouble”,
Consider that he learned to practice being noble.
He already found his purpose in Constantinople,
Or, as we would call it today - Istanbul.
This man knew that true power was in words.
If  only we had access to his own, that he scribbled…

Author Notes

I have edited this so many times. If you are actually going to google something, it is “the sultanate of women”. I just wanted to make it rhyme.

To The Noobs, To Save Many Downs (parody)

Learn to run with the pack this game.
These later rounds are trying.
And that  same wolf that runs alone,
Very soon, will need reviving.

The absence of your voice, oh silent one,
Reason you’re skipped in lobbies,
Says, “You’re without a microphone”.
Atleast, that’s what I’m getting.

That gun is best, which is the first,
A pistol with low power.
When Pack-a-Punched, you can escape
Those times that you get cornered.

If you fall, and end up spectating,
Watch this wolf clear through this train;
You’ll do that for every round,
If you can’t play like a team.
Author Notes

This is a parody of Robert Herrick’s “To the Virgins, To Make Much Time”. It is about playing Zombies on Call of Duty. Thank you for reading

Step One: Check the Cables

Oh dreaded, time consuming protocols. I know you
all too well; we are too familiar with each other
For me to ensure that each step will be carried out
With patience, in a chronological fashion.

Step one is so miniscule that most of the time, I find,
It is irrelevant. Quite the contrary, if given the appropriate
Attention, could have ended this process.

Step two is crucial, irrational, but none
The less: Push the power button located on the console, as if
To compete with the
Product testing machines at the very factory that created it.

Step three, which I believe to have
Been created while I was asleep: Remove the
Batteries from the remote, and then return them
In opposite places
From whence they came.

Step four requires much discipline; years of technological
Advances, and all night gaming were the catalyst
For the next part of our troubleshooting; Push the eject
Button on the console, until your mind’s temperature rises
At least five degrees.

Step five is the final step. Most electronics
Don’t remain intact, once they’ve reached
This point: Pull the impossible, worthless, no image providing hardware
From its cozy lint-lined home, hold it in the air, as if
To offer it any final words, then drop it
Lightly on the ground, at a distance of approximately one meter.

And it is here that you may find that step one should not
Have been looked past. Most electronics are spared
Second chances, but if you happen to catch the loose cable, the killer of machines that it is, fast enough,
You may very well get to enjoy your video game yet.

Professional

How much money can
I make from writing down my
Random, lonely thoughts?

Haiku
- Kyle Chandler

Flash/Hulk

The dice roll doesn’t matter;
I win, but you can still go first.
We draw seven, and then I stop you -
I play Gemstone Caverns on your turn.

You’ve seen the card, you already know.
You play your expensive dual land,
Followed by early game shenanigans,
Grin, then tell me to go.

But I lay down Vampiric Tutor.
I’m in need of a land,
Spirit Guide, or Lotus
For mana resources, I have no other.

This next part still brings me little shame:
I exile the Simian, cast Flash,
choosing Protean. On turn zero
I say, “Good game!”

You want me to show you? My pleasure.
Carefully read the Hulk and
I’ll pull out the Disciples,
Shifting Walls, and Phyrexian Marauders.

The artifact creatures will not survive;
Their toughness is zero, so they die.
Between the four Disciples remaining,
You lose more than enough life.