Suleiman I

Suleiman I, the Magnificent
Spread knowledge to the innocent.
Though all Turks deserve merit,
He was the most brilliant.

His achievements were numerous, nay vast,
Yet we only spent an hour on him in class.
I assure you, this man was The Man of the past.
I feel it’s your turn to be liberated at last.

There came a time, during his aspire,
Before there was decay within his Empire,
He was checked at “The siege of Vienna”.
This fight was indeed, his humble retire,
Although the Christians boast, the liars,
And my textbook only says, “repulsed by their fighters”,
His hidden messages are there, under my highlighter;
Now I feel his glory, and it burns like a fire.

In his time, education was of importancy,
Meaning, you learn a little bit from each of your enemies;
He adapted their institution, yet obtained supreme authority.
He also adopted their children into the Janissaries
And surely, he’d heard about Europe’s Treasury.
Oh, Austria praised about avoiding conquering,
But they, nay we all may have flourished under Ottoman Reign,
Could have happened, if his son’s weren’t victim of his murdering.

Although The Lawgiver was firm with his fist,
He still found love with a woman; a gift,
Hurrem Sultan, his most favored wife, amidst.
Don’t you fancy women ruled? Google “the Era of Woman’s Sultanate”
The Sultan definitely took orders from the warmth of her tit;
And it was here, I believe, that he chose to forfeit.

There is an imaginary line on all of the land,
Which can stil be determined by the leading man.
That line, not in history, has anyone
Pushed his Country’s further than Suleiman.

So when you read about him in your novel;
When your teacher debates, “he finally found trouble”,
Consider that he learned to practice being noble.
He already found his purpose in Constantinople,
Or, as we would call it today, Istanbul.

Step One: Check the Cables

Oh dreaded, time consuming protocols. I know you
all too well; we are too familiar with each other
For me to ensure that each step will be carried out
With patience, in a chronological fashion.

Step one is so miniscule that most of the time, I find,
It is irrelevant. Quite the contrary, if given the appropriate
Attention, could have ended this process.

Step two is crucial, irrational, but none
The less: Push the power button located on the console, as if
To compete with the
Product testing machines at the very factory that created it.

Step three, which I believe to have
Been created while I was asleep: Remove the
Batteries from the remote, and then return them
In opposite places
From whence they came.

Step four requires much discipline; years of technological
Advances, and all night gaming were the catalyst
For the next part of our troubleshooting; Push the eject
Button on the console, until your mind’s temperature rises
At least five degrees.

Step five is the final step. Most electronics
Don’t remain intact, once they’ve reached
This point: Pull the impossible, worthless, no image providing hardware
From its cozy lint-lined home, hold it in the air, as if
To offer it any final words, then drop it
Lightly on the ground, at a distance of approximately one meter.

And it is here that you may find that step one should not
Have been looked past. Most electronics are spared
Second chances, but if you happen to catch the loose cable, the killer of machines that it is, fast enough,
You may very well get to enjoy your video game yet.


How much money can
I make from writing down my
Random, lonely thoughts?

- Kyle Chandler


The dice roll doesn’t matter;
I win, but you can still go first.
We draw seven, and then I stop you -
I play Gemstone Caverns on your turn.

You’ve seen the card, you already know.
You play your expensive dual land,
Followed by early game shenanigans,
Grin, then tell me to go.

But I lay down Vampiric Tutor.
I’m in need of a land,
Spirit Guide, or Lotus
For mana resources, I have no other.

This next part still brings me little shame:
I exile the Simian, cast Flash,
choosing Protean. On turn zero
I say, “Good game!”

You want me to show you? My pleasure.
Carefully read the Hulk and
I’ll pull out the Disciples,
Shifting Walls, and Phyrexian Marauders.

The artifact creatures will not survive;
Their toughness is zero, so they die.
Between the four Disciples remaining,
You lose more than enough life.

when you are poor, you do it yourself

when you are poor, you do it yourself